HONEST

This blog has been more than just a place for me to share about events, tv shows, or products.. But a place where I always come back to whenever I feel down, or when I want to reminiscing the good old days.. So from now on, I will write more about my feelings, my appreciation towards people I care about. Because why ? 'Cause I'm sucks at showing people appreciation they deserve.

So recently I went to a casting. It was unintentional actually. Because I accompanied a friend, and one of the staff there asked me to join the casting too. I was hesitate at first. But being sporting to the invitation, I did it anyway. It was not the best I gave, I guess. I was just playing around and be ready to get laughed by my friends.

Not long after that they called, saying I got the main character of the commercial. I was shocked. I was thinking why are they choosing me, instead of my face is not in it's good condition?  To be in a commercial, beautiful and smooth face is vital. I guess they just thought that I'm fit for the character. I don't think I can even act pun. But it's okay, I accepted the offer and it was a very very very last minute notice. I was told within 24 hour before the shooting day.

So here comes the situation. I came so early, I brought clothes they wanted. I arrived at the location and met the crews etc. I had breakfast there too, and was told that the set up was not done yet. So I waited for a bit. They asked the makeup artist to put makeup on me first and do a camera test. Clearly, I can see that they were not happy with what they see. The changes on their faces. I saw that. My face is not that smooth and clear at that time. My heart sank, but I was ready if they asked me to go home. But still, they didn't say anything. 

I waited in the makeup room. I know where is this going. Being in this industry, you have to know that having good, smooth and clear skin is very important. But one of the crew came and told me other things. Saying that client wanted some changes and they cannot guarantee if we can proceed the shooting of my "part" on the same day due to timing issue. They asked me to leave first, and they will call to update me.

So I went out. I met a friend for a drink at mamak. Then I don't know where to go. I waited for a bit in the area of the shooting place. Still, no call. I actually already given up. I just hope they would be a little bit more HONEST with me. I'm a grown up, and worked in this industry. I know exactly what is going on. But they chose NOT TO TELL me. 

After a few hours, someone called. And again, they told me about this changes client wanted that they do not have enough time to shoot me, and they informed me that they HAD to scrap off my part. So yeah, that's how they cancel me. I didn't really frustrated. Because I'm not that expecting the casting succeed. 

I didn't really told my friends the whole story - that I already knew. Because I want someone to come clean to me about it. I am not mad actually. Not even a bit. It's just so disappointing that people chose to work so hard on a lie rather than telling the truth. Yeah of course it hurts when someone tell you that you got rejected because you're not pretty enough, or because your face is having break outs. But yeah. I'm dealing with it now, I'm a grown up, I know I can accept it if they just tell me that. But it's okay. Let bygone be bygone. 

But there's this one friend, that I have been friends for about 1 year now. She's funny and I like to be friend with her. She's one of the honest people that I know. So eventually, she told me that she knew I got rejected because client was not so happy seeing my not-so-clear face. I want that one friend know that I really appreciate it. Thank you for being the ONLY ONE who is honest with me.

Thank you. I don't know how to show that I appreciate you, that I love you as a friend, that I care for you. I can be very bad at showing these kind of gestures. But, the point of this story is... it's not about I care so much they rejected me. If it's not meant to be, then it will not. Allah promised a lot of rezqi to those who work hard for it. InshaAllah. But most importantly, Allah shows me those who is honest with me, those who stay when I was so broken, when I was so down. Thank you alhamdulillah.

To that one friend, THANK YOU. You know who you are.